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Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Regeneration and Transformation in Dreamers

Fellow Dreamers:
     Don't let the plain font and white background fool you.  It is the canvas where this blog will take shape-- present itself as the words I write begin to pepper this text box, this window to the Internet, to everywhere, everyone.  Power behind black and white words stripped clean of "stylization."  Let the words speak.  They have their individual purpose and power.  So, I will trust.
     I want to start off with what I believe is the essence of me.  Which is now being tested to the core.  Life is raw and cruel in its most wretched times and conversely and ironically Life is plentiful and inviting at the same exact moments.  This is not the "life is half full, half empty" cliche'.  There are moments in Life where your Life is in complete utter ruin.  No denying it.  Standing, feeling the 360 degree crush of evaporation.  Take this ruin deeper? Yes. By allowing the dust to settle and see it for what it really is.  Now there is a sight to see for sure.  When grandiose efforts meet utter failure.  And that is the crux of where I am right now. 
     I need to tell this ugly ugly story.  Need to see if treachery has its final say?  I never thought I would be susceptible to nihilistic thoughts.  Anyone close to me would tell you-- my dear new friend--impossible, impossible for any amount of doubt to enter in this mind, heart, matter.  Somehow, I do feel different.  No, I am different.  I have been robbed.  No.  I have been molested by a vampire and my essence, the essential of essentials siphoned away.     
     Who am I? How am I here? My future is?  Who took my bag of tools?